Student's Experience

Alex and Rose Mary's Story

INTRODUCTION

All new ventures in life are fraught with a mixture of fear and excitement, courage and cowardice, reluctance and expectancy!

My wife, Rose Mary, and I have participated in many personal – and professional - growth programs in our life. We have spent tens of thousands of dollars to improve ourselves, and increase our capacities to “make our mark” in the world – in a positive way.

Both of us have been aware of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) for quite some time – approximately 20 years. Our first direct experiences with NLP were in the early 1980’s; the ideas / the concept appealed to us at that time – our personal experience of its application left us wondering about its contribution.

A friend of ours – our dance instructor in fact – suddenly changed, significantly! Always a kind heart and good teacher – he became an excellent, self-confident, focused, excited – yet centered / on-purpose energy force. We were immediately intrigued; questioned him; and resolved to take the next available course – even if it was NLP.

INITIAL EXPECTATIONS

When I am spending in excess of $100 on anything, I believe that it is my right - my duty - to be skeptical; to judge, to evaluate and otherwise find fault. My first weekend of NLP training was, of course, spend fulfilling that duty. I checked out the participants to see if they were truly, sufficiently evolved enough to share my course with me. I evaluated the assistants to see if they were really trustworthy enough to be safe with. I judged our trainer, Kay, to see if she passed my “sophisticated” tests of intelligence, ability to teach, and general acceptance in the human race. I worried that my wife wouldn’t like the course (and would blame me); and I wondered if there was anything really available in our seven weekends that would truly make a difference in my life?

I was prepared to withdraw if it appeared to me that this was another “feel good,” “get-the-money-and-make-‘em-feel-good”or “it’s-up-to-you-sucker, you-are-to-blame-for-every-thing-in-your-world-and-aren’t-you-lucky-you-have-me-to-tell-you-” courses.

I was simply hoping we would get our money-value out of it! My wife and I are “successful” business people – but we wanted a higher quality of life. We make a difference with people – but we don’t make the difference we feel we were born to make. We have a good family life – but there is still something not quite available. We love each other – but we wonder if there is more. We have grown as people – but we know we have only scratched the surface, or something more wonderful. These were the states, feelings thoughts we brought with us into our first weekend of NLP Programmers’ Training.

OVERALL LEARNING EXPERIENCE & THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE CLASS

Weekend one was a surprise – a very deep, meaningful surprise, though I did not have the facility to distinguish what exactly had occurred. I knew the physical form of what we had done, (working in pairs and threesomes on improving Calibration and Rapport skills), but I was aware of some fundamental knowledge, awareness was awakened – in a real, practical, joyful fashion.

The surprises have continued to explode wonderfully through all aspects of my life.

The participants have brought themselves forth in their unique way, ready to learn and grow – demonstrating the utmost in courage and character – even in their imperfections.

The assistants, I have noticed, have become infinitely more intelligent, more caring, more grace-giving, more safe, more wise, more loving – with each successive weekend.

Kay, is a rare combination of NLP mastery, exquisite teaching skills, and gracefully expressed humanity. I don’t agree with Kay’s spiritual beliefs, nor probably her political beliefs, nor all of her opinions. Nonetheless, she is one of a small handful of examples that I am blessed to have in my life – she expresses her spirit, spiritually with grace, compassion, love, generosity and strength – not as a sacred position. She has taught me much about my own “positionality,” “biases,” “discriminations,” “inflexibilities”… just in her manner of teaching… regardless of the extensive capabilities, skills and talents that she has embedded, or otherwise released in my capacities to be human.

This is no “fluffy” “warm and fuzzy” course – it is the serious, meaningful, profound work of discovering yourself and your world in unique ways that you cannot achieve through personal, conscious effort alone. It is profoundly significant, permanent, self-discovery change work provided in a loving, compassionate, playful environment.

HIGH POINTS OF COURSE FOR ALEX

For me, (Alex), there have been multiple layer upon layer upon layer of personal discovery; insights; improved effectiveness in the world, in a natural effortless way; purposeful, focused living; increased joy in being alive at this time; and an expanded appreciation for the greatness in people – instead of being riveted to their “petty-nesses.”

The very start of the course – the NLP Presuppositions is, itself, an eye-opener. As I have, faultingly, applied the presuppositions, ( like The communication you made was the response you got; every behavior has a purpose; or everyone has all the resources they need ….) my capacity to be and empower people has increased geometrically, effortlessly. My capacity to re-frame people’s confusions, frustrations or anger has made me a more effective Leader in my business and workplace. My increased capacity to be “Present” with my wife – in the midst of our, at times, frantic schedule – has produced a deepened capacity for intimacy with her – real intimacy of just sensing our love, even in public, crowded environments. It is inexplicably wonderful. (Kay warned us on the first weekend that we would acquire gifts from the course that we didn’t even know to ask for – she was right, many times over).

Our family, as a whole, is continually benefiting from this work. My daughter, Anjalla, and my son, Nathen, at varying levels are participating with us in applying some of our learnings. The whole process has brought us closer as a family, with more meaningful conversations and tools to really make the changes that we want to make – individually and as a family unit. This work has replenished our hope for a higher quality future.

I have increased my capacity, (maybe acquired it is more accurate), to allow others to love me – and to let the energy, power, and significance of it to nurture me. This alone is worth the price of the course. My communication skills and ability to “be” with people have been enhanced and, certainly, have moved to a different level. I can now trust my intuition more effectively. I can “read” people better, which allows for more effective, truthful communications, which enhances the longevity and quality of the relationships that are important to me, and my family. My sense of humor is “escaping” more naturally – and more often. I have accepted myself, at a higher level, as someone who is worth taking care of better – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This can only be good news for the people closest to me. Joy is making more regular appearances in my life – after long periods of absence.

If I were to summarize this all … life simply has more zest, it is on the path towards what I thought my life should be like … it is more MY LIFE.

Is it worth the time and financial commitment? Knowing what I know now – even though I cannot possibly do it justice in a few short words, and even though you are possibly ever so slightly skeptical of my “effervescent biases, and cheer-leader-ness” – It would be foolhardy, if you want to have a great life and make a difference to those who matter to you, to ignore the power and possibilities available in NLP with Kay and her assistants. I highly recommend that you try it out – and, if you are seriously investigating this option, I would glad to talk to you in person if you so desire it.

HIGH POINTS OF COURSE FOR ROSE MARY

As my husband is so eloquent and has expressed himself so well, I’m going to share with you a couple of specific stories.

A few years ago. Alex bought me a collection of Erte’ Artworks which I thoroughly enjoy. I have taken great fun and pleasure in hanging these pictures in my living room. Recently we acquired an additional picture which caused all the pictures to shift. This meant my son had to bring in the 16’ ladder, we had to shift pictures that had really settled well in the place they were already in.

Being pretty thorough myself I needed to try certain pictures in different spots to see if they feltright! Well, after 45 minutes my son was throwing a tantrum from climbing up and down the ladder, Alex and I couldn’t quite agree on where the pictures should be, and they were both really irritated with me so I got depressed and hopeless. I finally asked Alex where the pictures should go and he gave directions of where to move 5 pictures to my Son in about 15 seconds. I hated it. So by the end of the evening we were barely civil to each other, my son had a headache and I just went to bed.

But as I played through the evening I asked Alex what made him chose those spots for those pictures. He then explained how he sees the pictures as colors and balance. So it made perfect sense to him where each picture should go.

I realized that I look at the shapes, figures and clothes in each of them and the flow of the art has to settle on the wall before I can chose. But more importantly, I discovered that each time I moved a picture I wanted to take my time to savor the gift I had received from my husband and his thoughtfulness. Every time we worked with a picture it told me he loved me. The quality of time spent doing the project was one I had wanted to savor and enjoy cause it represented our relationship.

Once I could express that to Alex and my son it totally changed their experience and opened up new possibilities to the different ways we do projects. It could be so much more than just a task.
There have been so many changes with the quality of my communication with my daughter and son. (28 and 34). Certainly my husband, my sense of joy around people has returned and there has been so much internal healing I could tell stories for hours.

My childhood, like so many, was wildly dysfunctional and ugly. I have done much therapy and many personal trainings to let that all go to the best of my ability and to become a functional, happy adult. But I’ve been aware of the areas of suppression that just aren’t worth opening up to again.

In Choices NLP I was encouraged to work with some of these memories one more time for the purpose of a true healing. To my disbelief, surprise, and delight this can be truly established. The most traumatic of my memories are now in balance with my being. All that I learned, grew from, and what helped shaped me from those times I retain, yet I have a freedom of being, and a healing of heart that I have longed for, for many years. For that alone this training with Kay Ries is so valuable. I would wish the same for you.

SERENDIPITIES

Truly there are too many to get into in detail about, and some I have mentioned already.
Here are a few:

• On-going sense of connection and profound intimacy with my wife, Rose Mary;

• Increased self awareness and self-accep-tance;

• Several developing friendships with partici-pants in the course –you know, the ones that I wondered at the outset would measure up… it has been my privilege to participate with them. They have affected me deeply;

• Increased awareness of other people’s stuff, so that I don’t have to confuse myself with it or worry about it or feel guilty about it;

• Greater capacity to be around those family members, (and in-laws) that were just so hard to be around before. They sure have changed;

• A compassion, respect and appreciation for my parents that was simply not available before;

• Re-discovery of my personal discipline;

• Realization that I have an ability to make a real difference in peoples’ lives; and now I have real tools to use that really work;

• I am working out building “my perfect body” and enjoying the process;

• An increased speed-reading / comprehension capacity; and

• Discovery of an amazing new, transformative, friend and body-worke.r

CONCLUSION

Is it worth the time and financial commitment? Knowing what I know now – even though I cannot possibly do it justice in a few short words, and even though you are possibly ever so slightly skeptical of my “effervescent biases, and cheer-leader-ness” – It would be foolhardy, if you want to have a great life and make a difference to those who matter to you, to ignore the power and possibilities available in NLP with Kay and her assistants. I highly recommend that you try it out – and, if you are seriously investigating this option, I would glad to talk to you in person if you so desire it. Kay has my permission to give my number to those people she feels would use it sincerely and respectfully.

— Alex and Rose Mary

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